New Year's Resolutions that Work
Removing, rather than creating, obstacles
New Year's resolutions are infamous for showing us up. We mark January 1 as a new beginning, a chance to knuckle down and finally get things right. But many people take on resolutions thinking they need win a battle against themselves. They may believe that if they work hard enough, they can stick with something even if it’s never worked out before. It’s all about discipline, willpower, commitment.
Unfortunately, forced willpower creates the wrong kind of stress (yes, there is good stress*), and it turns out that this can increase heart rate, blood pressure, and anxiety, and even spur premature aging of immune cells. These bad things can be caused, not by stress itself, but by fighting against yourself.* That kind of battle often results in burnout and the charred remains of noble resolutions.
The alternative to forcing ourselves down a thankless path on New Year’s is to take on resolutions that remove obstacles to success. One of the most popular resolutions might be the one to lose weight, but people often burn out trying to force themselves NOT to eat certain foods. Like trying not to think of an elephant after you’ve been asked not to. Removing the obstacle to success in this case might involve more creative responses, such as finding food that’s both better and tastier, or visualizing oneself as a fit, active person, instead of focusing on past failures. I’m sure there are a million books offering imaginative diet solutions without wasting time blaming the reader for being lax or weak-willed.
I originally wrote about this topic for a music teachers’ website, because it is very common for music students to vow to practice harder, when all too often, the obstacle to their success can be precisely that they’re trying too hard, especially if they are determined to accomplish the wrong result! The harder they work going down that path, the more obstacles they create.
In most instances, this has to do with mistaken body mapping. Some kids have trouble with body mapping if they’re growing so fast that they imagine their knee or elbow to be in a different place than it actually is. They might find themselves walking awkwardly, or in the case of violin players, they may bow strangely because in their mind, their arm actually bends at a different place than they picture it bending.
One common body mapping problem on the violin is that many players imagine their left hand to be parallel to the strings of the violin, when it is actually held at an angle. This false mental picture makes a huge difference. If the hand were parallel to the strings, it would be physically impossible to move the bent fingers closer or farther apart and play in tune. Working harder to force the fingers to do what they can’t do only pushes players to make awkward compensations that bog them down and can even strain a muscle. The fingers of the violinist’s left hand, since they are actually at an angle to the strings, simply straighten and bend in order to play higher and lower notes. Not even a New Year’s Resolution to work harder can change these facts! By removing their obstacle to success, and mapping correctly in their minds what their body is actually doing, players can quickly check that resolution off the list — and without nearly as much hard work as they envisioned.
In addition to removing obstacles to success, studies show that we accomplish our resolutions even better if we do them while working with and for others. This is why, for example, support groups are so helpful to people aiming to lose weight or tackle other problems. And playing music with others, and for listeners, can be the best way to put in lots of time improving playing skills. Even the social relationship with a good teacher adds immeasurably to better success, just by having someone to work with and for.
It’s been shown that adding this social element to achieving a goal can actually decrease heart rate, blood pressure, and anxiety, while increasing the motivation to take on and persevere in difficult tasks. There are TED Talks about this (for example *one by Kelly McGonigal) or if you prefer to settle into a good book on the subject, you might like to explore these ideas in more detail in Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride, by David DeSteno, a professor of psychology at Northeastern University.
Too often we force upon ourselves resolutions as if we were school administrators full of rules and punishments, motivating through fear of consequences — what I’d call “external discipline.” Maybe what we need is more “internal discipline,” motivated by curiosity, desire, enjoyment, and quality over quantity. And if we can enlist relationships with others, generosity, and community into the bargain, we’re guaranteed to succeed, and enjoy doing it as well.